Surreal

"Your cock seems surreal, Santa."

"No shit, but it's what you've always wanted, isn't it?"

Aunt Margaret

 

Three things about my aunt and her husband:

Frivolous Activity

 

Relaxing isn't a sign of laziness. It's a source of energy.

Wedding Confessions

 

Husband: "Baby, I want to confess..."
Wife: "Okay..."

The Difference

 

I once dated a man with a twin.

Awkward Silence

 

He said I'm kinda handsome for an ugly dude.

Argument

 When he's winning the argument and she gotta shut him up.

Replacement

 

He's a wise man, he once told me:

It Makes His Day

 

Paul sent me a text that said, "Your great"

Men and Secrets

 

Men are the best people to share your secrets with.

Prince Charming

 

Fuck prince charming. Go for the wolf.

Exchange Of Power

 

When a man loves a woman, she becomes his weakness.

Peace

 "Make love, no war" they said.

We're doing our best here.

Good Morning

 

This is what I want in the morning.

Ain't Easy

 

It ain't easy being a successful man.

A Gentleman

 

She's trying to seduce me.

Backup

 

Don't judge me... beggars can't be choosers.

Cockolate

 My cock is like chocolate.

It makes people happy.

Responsibility

 Life ain't as easy as you think it is.

Especially when you have so many mouths to feed.

A Price To Pay

 

Had spicy food last night, now my ass is on fire.